And suddenly I breath
I take a breath, like one emerging from cold waters, a sudden breath, my eyes reopen and I realise it happened again. Like waking from a dream world, where everything spiralled in a carnival atmosphere, dragged along by turbulence, ego, need, gratification. The endless pursuit, the quest to belong, to fit, to be admired, appreciated. Once again, I allowed myself to become lost in a society both physical and digital. I step out of the computer-generated world and ask myself how? How did I lose sight of myself again?
Standing on the mountain the wind blowing around me, the only purity I understand, the sound of the rain on the aged bracken, the ancient trees, the tears at the beauty, the sense of it, the caress of the wind. I breath. I often forget to breath and only when my heart thumps do I understand that I have once again been holding my breath. I wonder how long have I been holding my breath? Sometimes it feels like my whole life. I am confused by the world, by the society of which I am surrounded. Even here in my wild place, its not so wild, touched by humans for 2000 years, they have shaped everything to their will and yet nature constantly at odds with them, fighting and striving to seek a foot hold, this reminds me of myself and my connection with society. I feel the uneasy ground beneath my feet, the deep feeling that something is out of balance, I grasp at the edges of my vision, something is out of focus but I will move to counter the unease, the tilting, maybe I will soon be able to move beyond, to the place my heart is longing to be, the freedom which I seem never to really allow myself.
Instead of staying on the path I fall sideways without knowing or understanding, into the void which society creates. Suddenly I find myself wondering the corridors of my mind that I forgot were there, they are endless, there is no peace, just the pursuit of need. The questions rolling through my mind, the feeling that I am not enough, my stomach sickens, I step away.
These digital realms do not define us. We are not the sum total of our media feed. Everyone of us is beautifully unique, we are singular, enough. Our essence is inside us; we must remember to breath and see clearly past this infringement of our true being.