Is this a useful emotion?

‘The feelings of sadness, embarrassment, and guilt that you have when you know that something you have done is wrong or stupid’ (Oxford English dictionary). I’m not sure about this definition, it refers to self but I believe there is more to it.

Shame we are told is the thing which helps society function, attached to lust, to the down fall of man, St Augustine identifies that shame is the ‘punishment of bodily transgression’ which relates it back to the original sin and embeds it in religion. A Victorian invention? no but certainly one that they made good use of. I believe shame has become more than just that of original sin, and society has used it to control those within it.

My question is how useful is it? I believe that to feel guilt is an entirely different thing, guilt can be seen as a moral leveller, to have a human conscience, to understand the difference between right and wrong, to understand when boundaries have been crossed or hurt has been caused. But shame, its such a strong word, it is so personal, I feel it is a word which reflects the judgement of others on us, we feel shame in some instances because we are told that we should. What then is its purpose? for my own experience it has caused only self damage, it is associated with personal disgust, to be ashamed of thoughts and actions, to see my reflection and be ashamed that I do not look as I ‘should’, the taunting of the playground as my curves were called into question, my Shieldmaiden ancestors, telling me to be brave, that there is no shame in the shape of my body. But I see you in the street and I look away, I want to pass invisibly because I can not endure your critical eye.

As for me, as for many, the shame associated with the body is not a story untold, many can bring to mind the tales of growing up and being shamed not only for their body shape but because of their sexuality or their relationship with the original sin, (am I being modest or too ashamed to speak of it here?) The question is I suppose, if you had not told me that to have these thoughts was shameful would I know and would it matter? Michael Warner argues, “Shame is an experience of exposure, in which you become suddenly an object through the eyes of another; it thus resonates powerfully in situations of erotic objectification, visuality, and display”

So shame is principally a strong emotion with which we can cause damage to ourselves by containment of supressed feelings or the layering of societies expectations and perceived idealisms. In short yet another construct of todays society designed to cause complete confusion and control.

Body shaming happens to both men and women, its not exclusively a female preoccupation, men are also acutely aware of the pressures of society. Bombarded with images both sexes present suppressed emotions, eating disorders and anxiety related to body image. Judgement by others means that discussion around these issues is not an open forum and so ‘shame’ enters stage left. Is it for ourselves or society to remove or make more acceptable these issues, as we move forwards surely there must be more transparency in the way which we deal with mental health issues which are rooted in derogatory language but also is it time for improved censorship of highly triggering images.

I don’t have the answers and I felt confused in this discussion because its not that simple, the word, the meaning, the taboo around all aspects of the body, its expression, the things we say, the things we don’t say, the way we think we should think, on and on. I just wanted to say it out loud as another part of my own healing but also to help you to think about it and perhaps call into question the way in which we face shame.